Some weeks are more hurtful than others. This is one of the more difficult ones to stay smiling through. Sunday morning I called my co-grandmother, as I wanted to visit her, 10 days into recovery after major surgery. She was receiving, so I scurried over. I was greeted at the door by our joint grand-daughter, an opinionated, bright 2 year old. She and my daughter were over there, having a visit with Nana and Papa (grandma and grandpa). We all 5 had a nice visit, then 2 year old began to need a nap. I volunteered to drop daughter and granddaughter near their home. I had been trying for 2 weeks to get a visitation with either/both of them, and was very pissed off that they could visit one set of grandparents, but not both. It grieves me that I cannot have more time with grand-daughter. My daughter may not want to see me, as there is much history (not all of it good) between us, but why can't I see my darling bug of a grand-daughter?
Monday, I listened to NPR on the way to my volunteer work. It was a segment with tribal elders from Prince Rupert Sound area (of the Exxon-Valdez spill) talking with indigenous people in the Gulf area, where a way of life is AGAIN being damaged by petrochemicals. I raged in the car, and cried, as I listened to the recitation of the damages done, bird varieties never seen again, cancer upswings, lives and livelihoods damaged, reduction of awards to survivors, etc.
Then, I arrived at my volunteer work, where I try to work on my own computer as much as possible, as I have modified many settings, so that my aging eyes can see the screen. Well, I had arrived too early, and couldn't work in the office, so worked outside, (not a hardship as the day was WONDERFUL), until my battery got very low. I went in, and tried to plug my 'puter in to recharge, and I couldn't get a good connection (due to a previous injury to the plug), so had to continue my work on the resident computer. I changed their screen resolution, which is a quick way to make it readable for me, and I FORGOT TO PUT IT BACK! This, on a computer used by MANY people, who are not necessarily computer savvy. I also found that the yougurt that I had brought for lunch (courtesy of the food bank), was spoiled, so ate bread and boring food bank cheese. I got lots of work done, and then headed out, hoping to get my computer checked/repaired before work. Naturally, when I get to the computer fix-it place, the problem was gone. Intermittent electricals, how I love thee, let me count the ways. NOT. The tech discussed the repair options with me, depending on what the problem turns out to be. If it is the male part of the jack, it will be $70.00 to fix, if it is the computer receiver part of the jack, it will be in excess of $200.00 to fix it!
Tuesday dawned, with NO RAIN. I had been planning to work in the garden if it didn't rain. I had told my partner I wanted his help in the garden. He agreed, and I said I would drop him at the noon bus, to make it to his afternoon class on time. We had oatmeal for breakfast (which I despise, but we get from the food bank), and got out to the garden at 9:00 am. We worked for about 45 minutes, and then my partner declared he was done. I said no, we needed to work more, as it was due to rain for days again, and we need the food we will produce. He had a hissy fit, but agreed to work longer. A few minutes later, he went inside. After several minutes, I called in to him, and he said that he was getting a drink. A few more minutes, and I decided I would go in and have a drink, as I know that I am always so happy to get to the garden, that I frequently overdo it, and forget to eat or drink, for hours. I got inside to find a note at the table, from my partner, bitching about having to work in the garden, and saying that he was hitchhiking to the bus, and would be home later. I drove after him, and caught up with him. He refused to get in to the car, and we had a running argument, for a quarter of a mile. I told him that I could not deal any longer with his unwillingness to cooperate with me, and that if he was not going to come back and finish in the garden, he needed to find another place to live. He decided that he would move out.
In thinking about his decision, I realize that with his damaged memory, he probably does not remember most of the years that we have spent together, when we really did have some very good times. I suspect that what he remembers is mostly the last several years, during which we have had a very difficult time. The brain injury he sustained almost ten years ago has damaged memory, and his logic abilities. Several years ago, he got a credit card, and discovered that he could get cash advances and go to the casino, which he likes. Before I caught on to what was happening, he had aquired two credit cards, had maxed out the cash advance limit on one, joined four book clubs, gotten several magazine subscriptions, and ordered about seven cell phones. We also started receiving daily calls from every get-rich-quick scheme, every "Learn online and make $50, 000 per year", every "Free vacation to..." marketing ploy. I started limiting how much he could be out and about, and started limiting his access to money. I tried to limit his access to online computers. (he was receiving about sixty emails a day from similar junk). "But I only take $5 to the casino". The record shows multiple cash advances to him at a machine at the correct address to be at an ATM at the casino. "But the cell phone was free". Service is not free, though. TANSTAFL. Right now, all he wants to do is go to the library, see free films wherever, and have the free lunch at the Senior Center.
Tuesday night I learned that a dancer that I know slightly, who did an amazing Pas de Deux with another dancer that I know, lost her boyfriend to a mountain climbing accident over the weekend. I lost a teacher to an avalanche, some years ago.
Tonight, I learned that friends of mine lost a beloved dog, hit and killed by a car last night. I have lost both a beloved cat, and a loved but difficult dog to my 50 mile per hour road.
Could we make this week not be?
