Free at last

I finally was released from the nursing home yesterday, after several false starts. My foot is in a buckle-on boot up to my knee, and I am using a walker and/or cane to move around with. Today, I am pet sitting for a family, while they overnight and holiday elsewhere. Two cats, one dog. The cats, D and K, need medication. Bribes lured them over to where I could reach them without falling down. Bribes again afterwards, to reward them for ease of capture. The dog, R, is somewhat anxiety prone. When his family left, he retired to the master bedroom closet. I let him hang out there for quite a while, then went down and sat outside the closet door, with bribes. He wouldn't even get up for those. So I asked him if I could put on his leash, and rewarded him when he said yes. I told him how brave he was to walk beside that scary walker, and issued another bribe. I showed him that his food bowl had been refilled, but he was disdainful. I let him out, while I ate some microwaved soup, then let him back in. Sadly, he headed straight for the bedroom again. I did tell him that he is welcome to come join me on the bed tonight.

Update

Update

Well, here is an update of the last several months, delivered while I am still institutionalized.

On July 16^th, I became aware of pain in my right foot. I have had off and on pain in it for several years, but never to the point of using painkillers for it. I got grumpy, and went outside to sit in the garden and weed for a bit. Several hours later, I realized that my foot was exquisitely painful, and I could not stand on it. I thought about calling the volunteer fire department, and having them come out and use their lift to pick me up and get me out of the garden, but got very grumpy about the thought of their big feet and big lift squishing baby plants. So, I had Doug put a chair out in the garden, and I fussed and messed around until I was able to pry myself off the ground and into the chair. I then used the chair as an aid to get inside, and took large doses of Ibuprofen. At 4:00 A.M. the next morning, after more doses of Ibuprofen, I drove myself to the local emergency room. “Hey, guys, I can’t get out of the car. Could someone come help me?” No, I can’t park in the handicapped parking spaces that have no curb. I have to park in a parking space where the aides must not only take the wheelchair over the curb to get to me, they also have to run over a bunch of shrubs. Deposited inside, I begin to wait. I was smart. I brought a puzzle book and a pencil. Broken (shattered? crumbled?) navicular bone in my foot. Referral to another doc, painkillers, “go get a wheelchair”. No, may I please have a knee scooter, as it will fit in my crowded house much more easily. Okay, K comes to get me, bringing her sister S to drive my car home. S goes to get more of my painkillers, while K and I go to the local medical supply house, and get me a knee scooter. Mobility! We get me home, and I collapse into the bed. Over the next several days, my foot also swells up, and turns red. Meanwhile, I get a ride to the referral doctor, and find out that the bones can probably be reset, but I have to get financial help  first. Then, I switch to the new painkillers, and start throwing up. Is it the painkillers or something else. As of Sunday afternoon, I haven’t eaten in several days, and more importantly, am not drinking (or urinating). A friend comes to get me. It takes an hour to load me into the car, as I am in extreme pain, and my head isn’t working right. At the emergency room, we wait. They finally take me in, and admit me straight to the hospital. Sepsis and kidney failure. I ask my friends if I can have one of their dangly fuzzy people, hanging off the purse, to take with me and cuddle. I clutch it through everything for the next several weeks. (to be continued).

Had the most AWESOME 4th of July. Went out to  Ocean Shores, met some friends on the beach. Dug a hole to protect a fire from wind. Small barbeque, with hot dogs, lamb bits, bunny bits. Watched younger set play in sand, water, surf, with fire. Then watched fireworks ALL up and down the beach!

Leaving D on his own

So, I am dog sitting for a week. I run home this evening, to drop off rabbit food with D, as he cannot transport that by bicycle. I am doing a quick round of check everything, when someone knocks at the front door. I go answer it, and this man starts yelling at me that my dog has kept them from sleeping for multiple nights, and I better shut that dog up or else. I am trying to say that I haven't even been there to know what has been happening, and I'm trying to ask D if he left P outside at night. The man keeps yelling that he doesn't care where I've been, just shut that dog up, or else. Now, this is the household that shot my peacock, and deliberately ran over one of my cats. All this man wants to do is yell at me and threaten my dog. So, yes, I am worried. After he storms off, I ask D if P was outside, and for how many nights. He is pretty sure she was out for the last two nights, and has no idea why he put her out for the night. I tried that several years ago, in an effort to keep off some of the predators who eat my chickens. I found then that she barked all night, and so I stopped after less than a week. So now, I worry about my beautiful girl, who KNOWS that her job is to protect our property, and tells me when the dog that belongs to the same neighbor is on my property. Which has happened twice in the last month.

Food

What foods have I processed recently, and how? D cut many pears, from the food bank, into twelfths, used one orange to squeeze juice over them in the bowl, then dried them in the food dehydrator. Dried pear strips to carry on the road! Bananas went in food dryer also, subjected to the same orange juice treatment. Sometimes bananas go in with a final dusting of powdered cinnamon. Or chocolate with hot pepper in it.

We mixed up the following recipe for granola:
6 cups rolled oats (could be any rolled grains) (toasted in the oven on 350 degrees F until lightly browned)
3 cups seeds or nuts (sunflower seeds, wheat germ, almonds, cashews) (also toasted separately, watch the wheat germ, it BURNS easily)
1 cup dried fruit
2 teaspoons powdered cinnamon
All gets mixed in a gallon jar, and eaten with milk, nut milk, coconut milk, or yogurt over it.

Sugar, AGAIN.

I am waiting in line at the food bank. I have arrived very early, in hopes of a good supply of vegetables. Lately, I have mostly gotten potatoes and onions. Wonderful for soup, but I want to make pasta salad, and potato salad, as it is too warm for cooking during the day. As the line-up gets longer, a staff member comes out with a basket, to offer us a treat. How kind, a lollipop. They would never offer a beer, or a rum and coke, or even cocaine, for that matter. But sugar, well, we all know we should eat less sugar, but, after all, it is just a little sucker, and you can "just say no". Just say no, when I am currently feeling food deprived, panicky over money, stressed into immobility. Yesterday, I ended my day by eating half a bag of chocolate-peanut butter chips, and readimg an entire book, partly to escape the heat, partly in a sugar-abetted state of non-functionality. Just say no, to my daughter, from thousands of miles away, calling the local cupcake shop, and ordering me a cupcake for Mothers Day, wanting to give me SOME sort of treat. Just say no to the dancer offering me her trust, along with one of her favorite candy bars. Just say no to the enormous selection of sweet goodies at the food bank, offered as treats. "You don't do sugar, well, we have diabetic goodies, with no sugar". But lots of chemicals. In our evolution, sweets and meat were difficult to get. Grains and vegetables were easy to acquire, and grain stores easily. An untrained harvester can harvest enough grain for two weeks in a half day of harvesting. Vegetables for one person for one meal can be harvested in thirty minutes, and in many climates, there were vegetables of some kind available all year. Fruit was easy to get, but more limited in season, and harder to store. Sweets and meat were MUCH less available. None of us are adapted to enormous quantities of sweets, and very few of us are adapted to enormous quantities of meat. Our bodies are hard-wired to crave the energy we can get from sweets. Sugars in fresh fruits are in balance with fiber and nutrients. Dried or juiced fruits have a different balance between sugars, fiber, moisture, and nutrients, and should be eaten in limited quantities.

Solving the same problem over again

So, how DID I manage to post from the cell hone, before. I shall leave the instruction here, so I can find them, as I couldn't remember WHAT I HAD DONE. Go my blog, go to the web-version, new post, then use HTML to compose the new post.

Succes?

Oh. In the continuing battle to be able to post from the cell phone, have I finally achieved success? Yes, I have! I've been battling this since late January! Mostly sitting out on the front porch, where I can get a strong enough signal to get online. (I can't always even send texts from inside the house.) And of course, sitting on a porch in January, etc, is COLD. And I still believe that there are vacuum tubes in all these electronics. They vacuum out all of your heat! And I get so focused on TRYING TO FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS, and trying to remember where which set of information was, that I forget to rationally keep track of how cold I am getting. But I have conquered! Now, I can ramble on, whenever I want to. Next goal will be to post pictures directly from the camera, to my blog. Wish me perseverance!

Lowering my impact

One thing that I long ago learned about myself is that if activities are built in to my natural pattern, they are much easier to establish and maintain, rather than activities that I have to go out of my way to do. The most simple, obvious one, is carrying reusable shopping bags. How many of you have trouble with your conscience, because you KNOW that this is a VERY SIMPLE STEP towards lowering your environmental impact? First, you have to acquire the bags. Then you have to store them somewhere in the house. Then you have to get them to your traveling vehicle, be it car, bike, or bus. Then, you have to remember to USE them. 20+ years ago, I really didn’t want to use the plastic bags at all, even to re-use them as shopping bags. For the ‘acquisition” phase, I slowly bought string bags, from the local food coop. I would always be pleased when a new batch came in, as I could then choose a color that I didn’t already have. Occasionally, I would buy a more expensive canvas bag. Fine. MANY bags piling up on the counters, and in the crevices at home. But NO BAG WITH ME IN THE STORE. Rumble, growl. So, next is to install a hook near the door, where they could be hung once emptied. And a hook near the door, means that as I run for the car, “Oh, there are my bags, I’ll take them with me!” Tossed somewhere loose, buried under the other masses of stuff I would be carrying. (daughter, food for three people for the day, 3 dogs, water bucket for the dogs, container to KEEP THE DOGS OUT OF OUR FOOD, 3 leashes, additional layers/changes of clothes, pruning shears and shovel to kidnap plants, YOU know the drill. Or have your own.) Then, time after time, I reach the checkout counter, and have bags….. in the car. Slump. Next, designate the space RIGHT BEHIND the drivers seat, on the floor, as the bag location. That helps! They are where I can see them when I get out of car, and am locking the door. (ALWAYS USE YOUR KEYS TO LOCK THE DOOR, THEN YOU NEVER LOCK YOUR KEYS IN THE CAR!) But still, the scruffle to choose what bags I need, out of a heap on the floor, and shake the dog fur out of them, means that they MAY not always get used. Ah ha! Designate one bag as the “bag of bags”, to hold the other bags. Nowdays, that is one of the large, but rather flimsy ones, that we are ALL getting for free. Advertisers, pink for breast cancer research, green to “go green”, everyone is on the bandwagon with reuseable bags, frequently “closed loop” bags, made from recycled material. Tip-keep one particular bag (canvas), for things that might leak, so that you know which bag to put in the laundry frequently. All this, JUST TO HAVE A REUSABLE BAG AT THE STORE. But once solved, aahhh. Relief. (One thing that I have an extreme aversion to, is having to solve the same problem AGAIN, but that is a different topic, for another day.)

Sugar

I have a sugar addiction. Well, we are all hard-wired to like sugar, but its rarity in the natural world, has meant that, in the past, we had to put much effort into acquiring it. Like climbing trees, and argueing with the bees about who got the honey. Now, sweeteners are easy to aquire, don’t  take much money, and that is a problem. For me, particularly, as ANY sugars mess with my thinking. I have the most trouble with cheap candy. Good candy is made with sugar, probably from sugar cane. The cheap candy is based on corn syrup, and counteracts my prescription anti-depressant. But how to NOT EAT THEM? “Just say no” may work to PREVENT an addiction, but it just adds guilt when dealing with an existing addiction.

Loosing people

I drove a fair distance this weekend, to say goodbye to friends who have to move, that I may never get to see again. It seems incredible, in this time, when people fly hither, and drive thither, to think of never seeing somebody again. We were able to meet at a park, and spent much time talking, absorbing sunshine, taking fake pictures of the younger ones, and watching them all take turns hiding the eggs for each other to find. And then hiding them somewhere else for another member of the party to find. And then, all of them trying to figure out WHERE they had hidden them.

Lots of grief, as we will be unable to stay in contact, most likely, which seems so weird, in this connected age.

Time of many petals

My plum tree

I do not celebrate religious holidays (not choosing to be identified and limited by a particular belief pattern). I also find the gregorian calendar uncomfortable. It is too much of a “one size fits all”. And, as with clothing, that is NEVER true. THIS January is not the same as LAST January. So I tend to identify the time of year (at least in my own head), based on what the living world is doing. There is the “alder catkins are lengthening” season. Others are the “daffodils are sticking their green tips above ground”, the “native hazel is blooming”, then the “frogs singing!”. There is “Daffodil Season”, during which the pens where I work wear daffodil headdresses. They wear these disguises ONLY while the daffodils on MY driveway are blooming.

Along my driveway

As I have many different daffodils on my driveway, all planted since I moved in fifteen years ago, “Daffodil Season” is fairly long.

Pheasants eye type daffodil

Jet Fire

Many of these seasons overlap. Tonight, I am in the middle of Daffodil Season, as well as “frogs singing!” season. We are also in the midst of “time of many petals” which is when the pink and white cherry blossoms start dropping their petals.

I love it when there are drifts of pink in all the gutters, swirls of dancing petals curly-cuing across the sidewalks and asphalt parking lots. This leads into the shocking season of  “RHODODENDRONS” which is very strong. Up until then, the colors are gentle to our winter-dulled eyes. White and yellow and pink, with small splashes of purples.

Red-flowering Currant

Later, the Rhododendrons will burst upon us, in enormous masses of off-shaded pinks and purples and reds. All of which have some hint of the other colors in them. They are, after all, mostly varieties developed from crossing Rhododendron yakushimanum with other varieties. So their general structure, and color groups, are similar. Big masses of clustered blooms. Go up to the Rhododendron Species Foundation at Weyerhouser, and visit Rhodies that look entirely different! Ones that look more honeysuckle, with looonnngg tubular flowers, that only trumpet out a little bit at the end.

Spring?

Is it really spring? Maybe? On the equinox, I made a series of dish gardens. It was great fun to ramble around outside, and get some small, pretty bits to tuck in containers. A gesture of hope. Wandering around, I was again fascinated by the variation in mosses on the different stumps. When I had a bunch of the trees cut down, I left all the stumps. Two of them were cut into high-backed seats. Some of the mosses are dense, plush velvet. Some of them are more branching, lace-like.

Tired unto my death

Tired. Tired of trying to get D to cooperate, be a partner, when he is so frequently a liability. Tired of waking up to hear Phoenix barking, because D had just left, and he is not supposed to. If she knows that he is not supposed to leave, why doesn’t she tell me BEFORE he gets out the door? Or block him in, so that he can’t leave? Tired of not seeing my granddaughter. Tired of fixing other peoples mistakes. The pharmacy has put an entirely wrong doctor’s name on my prescription. The last batch of meds has child-proof caps on them, which they know I don’t want. One of D’s meds that was coming in the mail, was not the right prescription. I don’t know if D said, “Yes, those are what I am taking” over the phone, or how it got set up wrong. But I would have to go through much hassle with the clinic doctor and an amorphous doctor in mail-order-med limbo somewhere, to get it corrected. I didn’t make the mistake. Tired of some of the nasty people who inhabit this world, and will abuse children. Or anyone else who will abuse ANYONE. Tired of being cheerful, trying to understand what proper behaviour is, and exhibit it. I am somewhere on the Aspberger spectrum, and that means that I do not understand what proper behaviour is, sometimes. Several years ago, I asked two people to help me, by using a code word to alert me, when I am about to put my foot in my mouth. They laughed at me, thinking it was some kind of joke. I don’t like upsetting people. I don’t like doing the wrong thing. I try so hard, and right now, it all feels useless. But, you just go on and endure.

Here we go again

I haven't been on the bike much, since before the snow. Snow on the roads, and no need to go anywhere. Then snow and trees down on the bike trail for two weeks. I was NOT interested in biking Sleater-Kinney Road, with heaps of snow all over it. Then, the car broke down again, last week, and I was so VERY glad I had the bicycle, and could just transition over to the bike, and not have to worry about the car. Getting to work has been achieved, getting cat food, and a few groceries has happened. So, do I continue trying to get posters out to veterinarians about my availability to pet sit for high need pets, when I may not be able to get to said pets, with no car, or do I go a different direction for more income? My daughter is helping to pay for the car repairs, but the car is starting to be a major pain in terms of $$$ to keep it running. If I could get enough pet-sitting posters out, could I build up a clientele of bus-route pets, that I could get to/from/stay with, without a car being needed?

Pride/Relief

My amazing daughter is probably safe. The driver was not allowed to post bail, and went to court on Monday, pleaded guilty, and went straight off to jail. My daughter got some counseling sessions to help her deal with the distress, and has some more scheduled. Having been given the message that life is uncertain, she spent some very good time with her own daughter, both at the beach, and at a butterfly exhibit. Many good pictures sent to me, of granddaughter looking rather like a butterfly herself

Pride/Fear

And now, IMMENSE pride in my daughter. Followed by fear for her safety. On her way to work, after dropping off her daughter, she witnessed a hit-and-run accident, of a child, in a school zone. Split-second choice-stay to help victim, or follow perpetrator. Other people there to help victim, she will follow perpetrator, as she was the only one with an ID on the car. 911 dialed, she clearly tells them what has happened, and where, and that she is following the perpetrator at high speed. Follows him for about ten minutes, until police can catch up with her, at which point she trades off the chase to them. She spends much time at the station, then takes her adrenaline-laden self to get almost-food, and caffeine, and sit and shake. Then, go to get her own child, and go home to hug her and hug her and hug her. The victim was a girl, and died. Pride that she took action, pride in her driving, that she stayed with him, pride in that she was willing to get involved. I know what the correct actions to take are, but have never been tested, the way she is being tested. She goes beyond me in so many ways. Fear, because she is the only good witness. Bail can be posted, and the perpetrator can be out, and probably is.

Pride/distress

Pride in my daughter, who got an awesome job last fall, with the costume department at D_____ Resorts in Florida. Then, worry, as she was working more with performers who are treated as expendable, as for D_____, they are. She figures out how to ask her boss, politely, if that is company policy. Her boss says yes. H grieves, stews, and helps be supportive of one performer on her own. A bit later, boss asks H what disturbed her about the situation. H details how destructive the methods used are, of self-confidence. Boss say oh, hadn't realized how rough it could be on people, see about fixing it. Comes back to tell H that higher-ups not concerned. H gives notice. Now working at a sandwich shop in Naples, Florida. H is feeling very guilty that she has taken her daughter so many miles from grandparents, feeling like a failure. She is too far from all her support networks. And I can't help her, I can't hug her, nothing.

Power!

No work all last week, due to snow. Monday through Wednesday ok. Did some housekeeping, worked on a cover letter, guided D in baking. Thursday, woke up, said rude things, and told D, "Go back to sleep. No power." As we are on a rather small power loop (489 customers), and we are not between substations and anything major, we are NOT high on the priority repair list. Friday, went out to get livestock food, sterno, charge phone, sponge bath. Friday eve, ushered at Washington Center. National Geographic special, by the first woman, with children, to be a photographer for National Geographic Society. Very cool treat! Then, going home, flat tire. Least said, the best. Got to go to work on Saturday. Also, friend texted to say, "Hot water available for shower." And a studio family gave me a coleman stove, with several small tanks! Sunday. Hot coffee! Hot beef stew! Clean dishes! Whoo-hoo, the simple joys of life. Went out in early afternoon to do laundry at J.'s, and saw crews removing tree from the power line on our road. Hopeful! Going home in the evening, we are both chanting power mantras, to no avail. No blinking red light at intersection. No power. Have a lovely hot meal, and crawl into bed, because it is warm, there. The power comes on! Joy! Hurrah! Run and turn off anything that had been left on, that we didn't need on! Reset the clocks! More rude words as the power goes back off again. (droop). Burrow back into bed. Power back on a bit later! Ignore it, as a false temptation. It goes back off again. Sometime later, while asleep, it comes back on. Crack an eyelid. I refuse to get up yet. Go back to sleep. Ah-ha! it is time to get up, it is light out, and we still have power! Jubilation! And through it all, my daughter keeps nattering about missing snow, and wanting to move back here!

T'other night, biking home

Have done a fair bit of biking in the wetter, cooler weather, and don't mind the coolth. Anybody who might be riding on my shoulder at night would laugh at me, particularly when I am going down Emu Hill. I do NOT want to have a close encounter of the four-footed or winged kind. To prevent this, I engage in a long monologue, "Okay, coyotes, raccoons, oppossums, aplodontia, nutria, weasels, wolverines, deer, owls, could you all please just stay behind a tree, just until I get past you." Well, the other night I did this, got down the hill, and across the street, and THEN, behind me, the coyotes started up. They had to have been watching me, possibly laughing at me, as I came down the hill. I thanked them for staying out of my way, and we all continued on.

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me---NOT. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be spending it in the bankruptcy court AGAIN, trying to get GreenTree to LEAVE ME ALONE. So that I can continue trying to figure out how to have more money coming in. I will also be at Target, spending money to get a few on my anti-depressants, as my doctor and I don't know where the company shipped the free meds to. Spent yesterday at the local WorkSource office, learning how to use their services. Mostly online stuff available, or workshops that I can't get to because I would have to miss work! The one REALLY useful thing is that they have an account with Microsoft E-learning. I can work through the Office 2007 classes that I haven't taken, and then get certified in them. Useful skills when job-hunting, plus just material I want to know. Starting with Outlook, which I dislike, to get it over with. Then do Word. Then can run quickly through Excel (spreadsheet), which I use weekly and got an A in, previously. Then Access (database), which was also an A, but on 2003, which is very different than 2007. Then finish off with PowerPoint for dessert. Also, got a suggestion of a good, not too obnoxious typing tutorial, online. Knowledge and skills are never wasted. Sent Doug a link to the typing site, also. He likes games, if he plays typing games online, that is at least teaching him something. Didn't bike much during the colder weather, but now have an armwarmer/shrug, re-purposed from a thrift store sweater, that does a wonderful job keeping my arms warm. The wool gloves are too hot, so want to see about a really thin, light-weight pair. Wool? Silk? Frustration in trying to figure out how to post to this blog from my cell phone. Codes that should have come through on my phone, don't seem to have done so. Frustrating, as posting to via the phone would be a good use of bus or bus stop waiting time.Time to head to work, which at least is a cheerful thing.